Crazy Wackiness

December 7, 2010

This weekend I had the joy of meeting, and playing with, a talented yogi named Havi. She is from Portland where she has a studio called the Playground. From her description, it’s a funky space for creative madness and serenity, and they also have ‘pirate monkey meditation cushions’ (something she seemed very excited about). Along with her sidekicks (I forget all their names, but she had a purple puppet, a magnetic white dog-Shmurffle, and a duck-Selma), she helped us mess with our patterns by teaching us a crazy-cool dance called Shiva Nata. Shiva Nata dancing involves strategic flailing of body parts in all kinds of directions. Voluntary mental-F$#@%ing with. Surprisingly, I was pretty relaxed during these brain/body challenging array of movements; I had a lot of fun. But I don’t know if that’s a good thing. I remember thinking that I wasn’t going to worry if I messed up, and that it was better to not think too much. I really liked having permission to be messy, and non-judgemental about it.

Afterwards we had made some time to create space for the fears surrounding becoming an actual teacher, and did lots of ‘shmurfling’. Some of my fears were: not being ready spiritually/mentally/physically, forgetting everything I have learned and not being able to verbalize it to my students, and not making enough money to quit my full time job and teach(which is what I want to be able to do).

Havi not only created a safe space for my fears, as not to make me feel like they weren’t valid, but built a radical fort around them, and gave us some unique and  fun business ideas. I left feeling like I was let out of my container or cage, but with a better understanding of what lies within it…and what I can do with out it(without my fears, that is.). I was able to make room for the new patterns I have been creating thus far in the program, and was able to see how I have been growing. It was refreshing, to say the least.

I sang silly made up songs the whole way home.

I was able to notice the patterns that I have, and form some goals to move forwards.

My goals from here on out:

1. Accept my fears for what they are, give them a safe place to be (like a sandbox or a plush room full of tea and pillows), and give myself permission to be separate from them so I can experiment what it’s like without them.

2. Truly find time each day for my meditation practice-No matter what. Talk with P about my goal to so he can help me create the space I need in our small apartment.

3. Less judgement-Be OK with my process, and take baby steps each day by staying involved at the studio, reading the handouts again, and making time each day to be grateful for this path I am on, the body I have.

4. Practice Mindfulness by doing one thing at a time. When I feel the need to change directions mid-work, create a habit of stating what I am doing and why I want to finish before moving on.

Yay for crazy wackiness and Havi! You are welcome in my neck of the woods anytime.