The Cleanse and the Clutter

October 23, 2010

This past week I was doing my best to cultivate acceptance for what went on around me, and what happened to me. I feel good about my reactions on the inside and the outside. But what was strange was the feelings going on inside that I couldn’t control. I tried just allowing them to be there, but then I was curious. Why was I so attached to my cluttered room? I was really happy I was getting new paint but I immediately noticed the attachment to my routine and to what I was used to, even though I consider myself a lover of change. Anyways, the cleanse we were supposed to do was kind of done for me in a way. My whole classroom was ripped apart, repainted, dusted, and de-cluttered. This is a place I spend most of my life in, so it’s such a huge change. And it’s getting ready for an even bigger change-an interactive whiteboard called a SmartBoard. It will take up one whole wall, and I am excited, but I also don’t know what to expect. What was interesting was what I was holding on to inside…I actually got very defensive when my boss commented on how dirty the room was. I always put so much effort into making the surface of things look good. The bulletin boards in my room were my pride and joy. I put so much creative energy into them, but I didn’t take the time each day to clear out the clutter in the cabinets, or dust behind things. Is this an indication for how I treat myself? Do I work so hard on the exterior that I let myself become cluttered? What kinds of things do I need to take out of the cabinets? What dust bunnies have I stored up in the corner of my mind-bad habits-hidden worries, or personal judgments do I have under the surface?

In relation to saucha, and the last sutra we studied, aparigraha, I decided a few weeks ago that I must find a letting go of my shopping habit. I realized that it was a few things- irresponsible, taking more than I need, and cluttering my life with more stuff. This change has been really good. Each time I have the idea that I need something new, I affirm that I am content with what I have, that I have enough and that I am creative with the things I already have. We’ll see how I feel when the weather changes, and I am craving a new pair of socks (I love socks).


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