Celebrating a new commitment to myself…

August 2, 2010

After a long weekend of being under the weather, but literally on top of the world in terms of atmosphere and location, I have been thinking a lot about making some lifestyle changes. After the first weekend of Teacher Training I was really having a difficult time trying to figure out how I was going to balance in my social life (including drinking alcohol), and my yoga life (including purity, clarity, mindfulness, and healthy living). My thoughts went like this, “This is what I have been waiting for, something to use as an reason NOT to drink”, (the little voice that sounds like a bratty little teenager that doesn’t like authority) “but I enjoy it,  I what hurts in a glass of wine with dinner?, and the walks through town at happy hour?, and lounging on the weekend at the river with a beer or two?, and celebrating stuff with champagne??…”, “yes, but I  don’t have to have a glass every night, or drink every time alcohol is on the menu do I?”, “No, but if something tells me I can’t, I am going to come up with reasons why I want to, and why I shouldn’t deprive myself of pleasure…I deserve a drink after work…!”, “Yes, but my life would be so much more energetic and productive, if not more abundant (with all the money I’d save) if I just made this one teak of habit. Imagine all the stuff I would do if I only indulged a little on special occasions?  I would feel better, look younger, and indulge in more healthy activities with a clearer mind.”, “So,  I can drink on special occassions? like holidays, weddings, and birthdays still?”, “If that’s what I want. But can I control myself? Can I become a more disciplined person? It really all comes down to control, Do I have control over myself? Can I make an intention to be ok SOBER? Can I focus on the bigger picture instead of instant gratification? Will I miss out on the fun? Will I get stressed? Will I still be a fun person?”.…. Yep, you just got a taste of what it’s like to have split personalities (undiagnosed). But to change this habit is what I need, and its what I want. I am beginning to take a hard look at my actions to see what is working, and what is making me work slower, or not at all. Now, as I write this, and I realize a lot of people may read this, and I do not think I have a drinking problem, but I have a problem with how often I drink, even if it’s just a glass of wine each night. Alcoholism runs in my family and I am very aware of the costly outcomes of not having control. I believe that since it’s on my mind so much, that it is something I MUST control. And in a book I am reading called   In Donna Farhi’s book Bringing Yoga to Life, I found a beautiful and grounding intention to live by.  She asks what would happen if we began to channel our energy by asking ourselves daily, “Are my choices supporting what is deeply satisfying in my life? And are my choices leading to long-term freedom or short lived pleasure?” I know if I went though my day using this as a mantra for each decision I made I would be a much different person. I think it’s such a fascinating way to evaluate my life and my actions. She also ads, These kinds of questions lead us to evaluate what is important to us and to choose what purpose we will devote our time and energy.” Well I personally wish to devote my time and energy to healthy choices, to my yoga practice and to having passionate and loving relationships with myself and the world around me. So here’s to celebrating a new page, a new leaf, and new commitment to my health and my well-being.

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2 Responses to “Celebrating a new commitment to myself…”

  1. Leili Says:

    Sierra, thanks for sharing this. I like those questions for focusing intention. I’m going to try to play with framing my choices using those questions.

  2. Madeleine Says:

    Well thought out! This is such a big decision that SO many people struggle with daily.

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